WARNING: RANT FOLLOWING, READ AT OWN RISK
Why are families so complicated? why can't people tell people what they feel....why do they have to hide it, or not say and leave you to guess. I hate conflict...really avoid it when i can. It sometimes gets me into trouble, and it generally leads to me leaving things to fester....it's a major fault of mine i know.... So even though I know it will get resolved or everyone will feel better at the end, I can't really call someone out on things.....I might just be a dysfunctional alpha type person....like a dysfunctional gifted child.
It Just really bugs me and brings me down, and hurts when people I care about, and care what they think about, don't see all that i accomplish or they see it as secondary to what they view as important. Now i admit that things that are important to me aren't what's important to everyone. That's the way it should be. But, with that we have to acknowledge that what each one of us holds important is important, and equally valid. We have to respect that.
something else that's bugging me, is the guilt trips. not the teasing dog whimpering frequently taking place at lotto house, but the ones for making me feel bad for making a decision about attending graduation, or not. IF it's hurt you, tell me, but don't start treating me like i'm an ungrateful child and giving me the cold shoulder. IT hurts especially when I should be and need to be making my own decisions as an adult. If you told me why it was important to you, or if we could sit down and talk about it, i would reconsider any decision i make. However, going this route, doesn't make either of us look like adults and really when i do give in, i end up resenting it and this whole incident and yeah...
I'm planning to head back to Windsor on thursday morning...
Later days.....very much looking forward to the Elmos